WOMEN



"We need to talk" = I need to complain

"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to

"I'm not yelling!" = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

"We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

"You're ... so manly" = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?

"I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" = I've got my period

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house

"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

"I need wedding shoes" = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

"Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean hang it there!

"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like

"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me

"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me

"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]

"Yes" = No

"No" = No

"Maybe" = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later

"Do you like this recipe?" = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

"Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

"All we're going to buy is a soap dish" = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I'm not saying

Image
Mrs. Jenkins comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner...who lives with a female roommate Vikki... During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Antony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates." About a week later, Vikki came to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: (This is cute) Dear Mama, I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bow
Read more

Never Argue with a woman

Image
Although not familiar with the lake, a woman decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?"). "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her. "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am" and he left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman wh
Read more

Costume miss-match

Image
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party. The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him. So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume,cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice "chick" he could and cupping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time
Read more