WOMEN



"We need to talk" = I need to complain

"Sure... go ahead" = I don't want you to

"I'm not yelling!" = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

"We need" = I want

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

"You're ... so manly" = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

"You're certainly attentive tonight" = Is sex all you ever think about?

"I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" = I've got my period

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house

"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

"I need wedding shoes" = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

"Hang the picture there" = NO, I mean hang it there!

"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're really not going to like

"I'll be ready in a minute" = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.

"Is my butt fat?" = Lie to me

"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me

"Are you listening to me!?" = [Too late, you're dead]

"Yes" = No

"No" = No

"Maybe" = No

I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

"Do what you want." = You'll pay for this later

"Do you like this recipe?" = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

"Was that the baby?" = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

"All we're going to buy is a soap dish" = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

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