The Big Luder Jokes & Quotes

An older gentleman was   On the operating table Awaiting surgery And he insisted that his son, A renowned surgeon, Perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, He asked to speak to his son 'Yes, Dad, what is it? ' 'Don't be nervous, son; Do your best And just remember, If it doesn't go well, If something happens to me, Your mother Is going to come and Live with you and your wife

PLEAS, BE CAREFUL WITH YOUR WISHES....thi shouls make your day 40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE...... A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband'. The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me'. The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this s

Four fathers Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man, "Congratulations, sir. You're the father of twins!" "What a coincidence! I work for the Minnesota Twins Baseball team!" Later the nurse returned and congratulated the second father on the birth of his triplets. "Wow! That's incredible! I work for the 3M Corporation." An hour later, the nurse returned to congratulate the third man on the birth of his quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply, "I don't believe it! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!" After this, everyone turned to the fourth guy who had just fainted. The nurse rushed to his side. As he slowly gained consciousness, they could hear him mutter over and over, "I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that job at 7-Eleven. I should never have taken that j

An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather Abdullah in a nursing home. All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Australian home. After a few weeks in the Australian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. ''How do you like it here?'' asks the grandson. ''It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful'', says grandpa. ''We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone.'' ''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents'', Abdullah says with a big smile. ''There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'! There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I load

Breathing Therapy The nose has a left and a right side; we use both to inhale and exhale. Actually they ar e different; you would be able to feel the difference. The right side represents the sun, left side represents the moon. During a headache, try to close your right nose and use your left nose to breathe. In about 5 mins, your headache will be gone? If you feel tired, just reverse, close your left nose and breathe through your right nose. After a while, you will feel your mind is refreshed. Right side belongs to 'hot', so it gets heated up easily, left side belongs to 'cold'. Most females breathe with their left noses, so they get "cooled off" faster. Most of the guys breathe with their right noses, they get worked up. Do you notice the moment we wake up, which side breathes faster? Left or right? ? If left is faster, you will feel tired. So, close your left nose and use your right nose for breathing, you will get refreshed quickly. This can be taught to

I've got a new set of wiper blades for my car (a Peugeot, made in France ).. I think they might be a bit too big because they hang over the edges a little, but I don't care, they work great and I would have to say that they are the only blades I have ever had that don't irritate me when they're working. Call me crazy, but lately I have been driving around with them on even when it's not raining!!!. The other day I was even pulled over by a cop who asked to go for a ride so he could watch them work. They were outrageously expensive (being French), but to my mind you can't pay too much for safety and like I said, they work great. Let me know if you would like a pair for your car and I'll give you the contact website. To see them scrolldown...... . . . I'm sure you'll approve of the impressive design and functionality but like me you'll probably have some reservations about the washer option !!!

I used to be like this?   I met a girl?   She was like this... Together, we were like this ? ? I gave her gifts like this? When she accepted my proposal, I was like this? I used to talk to her all night like this And at office used  to do this... When my friends saw  my girl friend, they  stared like this? And I used to react like this? BUT on Valentine Day, she gave red roses to someone else like this? AND, I was like this? Which later led to this. I felt like doing this… But rather did this . . . I started doing this And this And I ended up like this…

1. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. 2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all. 5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die. 6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing. 7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does. 9. A woman has the

One afternoon, a lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied "No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"